As we’ve talked about in a recent blog post, grief can come in all forms. While we mainly focused on disenfranchised grief, there are many other types of grief after a breast cancer diagnosis that you may experience. Many of these types can happen in addition to others. Some can even flow from one to the other. When that happens, what do you do, and how can you handle it?
Other Types Of Grief You Should Know About
Before we dive into the other types of grief and processing through them, let’s first say that no matter what you go through, you aren’t alone and this is a normal process. While we never want anyone to go through a breast cancer diagnosis, the unfortunate truth is that it happens to millions each year. So if you’re experiencing grief, none of this is your fault and you’re allowed to feel your feelings. Now, let’s talk about some other types of grief you should know about.
Anticipatory Grief
Anticipatory grief typically happens when you’ve been diagnosed with a terminal illness. This grief stems from the person feeling like they will be missing out on life, events, and the future once they’ve passed. It’s very common for someone facing a terminal illness to experience anticipatory grief as they work through the grief process, and many loved ones can experience it too. They may also experience it when they have a loved one is deals with disorders like dementia, or when a loved one is in a coma.
Having feelings associated with anticipatory grief can be incredibly overwhelming, and unfortunately, this grief isn’t widely known or understood. So many people experiencing it tend to feel guilty, ashamed, or find it hard to cope. If this is you, or a loved one, it’s important to recognize that this type of grief is normal, and many others have experienced the same. Seeking out a support group or therapist that understands this type of grief can be incredibly helpful.
Chronic Grief
Also known as prolonged grief disorder, chronic grief is another type of grief that many people experience after a diagnosis like breast cancer. In fact, recent studies have shown that upward of 10% of adults will experience it in their lifetime. Some studies even show that this type of grief can lead to other disorders like PTSD and depression. And, some individuals are at greater risk of developing it, including caregivers and those who already have a history or depression or bipolar disorder.
People with chronic grief could experience identity disruption, intense emotional pain, difficulty with daily tasks like pursuing hobbies or talking to people, emotional numbness, sleep issues (like insomnia), and intense loneliness. It can be crippling and affect daily functioning in ways that typical grieving doesn’t.
When someone is diagnosed with prolonged grief disorder, they have to have experienced at least three of the above symptoms nearly every day for at least a month before their diagnosis. Prolonged grief disorder also has a diagnostic, DSM-5-TR, which allows clinicians to use a common standard to both diagnosis it and treat it.
Delayed Grief
Simply put, delayed grief is when you have a reaction to a loss months or even years after it happens. This can be a death in the family, a diagnosis, or any other type of loss that happens in life. Because grief isn’t a linear process, many people find themselves pushing through their thoughts and feelings as they work through what’s happened, and don’t experience that loss or grief until they have time to sit and really process it. It can also come back, even when you think you’ve started to heal.
As an example, you can be diagnosed with breast cancer and go through the stages of grief, only to find yourself going through them all over again months or years later. Again, this is completely normal. Grief is never just one stop and then over and done with. It’s a cycle.
Exaggerated Grief
Exaggerated grief typically occurs when a person experiences more intense reactions than what is considered typical. Often, this type of grief is followed by self-destructive behaviors, suicidal ideation, alcohol and/or substance abuse, and other destructive behaviors. If you experience this type of grief, it’s extremely important to reach out for help. This type of grief is extreme and can cause turmoil in your life, and it’s often hard to deal with alone. People who experience this type of grief often need additional support, especially from professionals, to feel better.
Again, this doesn’t mean something is wrong with you, and you should never be judged for feeling this way. Grief is already such a complicated process, and this type of grief is something no one ever asks for or wants. But unfortunately, it exists, and can feel incredibly overwhelming, and fast. So please, if you’re experiencing this, there is help available to you, and you deserve it.
Masked Grief
Masked grief is often the most quiet of all the griefs, and is usually overlooked because it doesn’t function the same way as the others. This is the grief that many people deal with just under the surface, and is usually just simmering under the surface. This grief seems more “functional” since many people keep going through their day-to-day lives even when struggling with it, but overtime it can turn into chronic grief and cause prolonged distress.
A few symptoms someone with masked grief may have include; persistent feelings of emptiness or numbness, avoidance behaviors, mood swings, fatigue, difficulty forming or maintaining relationships, increased irritability and/or anger, and sleep issues like insomnia. Just like with other types of griefs, one of the best ways to work through mask grief is to see a professional, find a support group, and take your time working through it in a healthy way.
Anniversary Grief
Last but not least, we have anniversary grief. This typically happens around the anniversary around a sad or traumatic event, like getting a breast cancer diagnosis. For some people, they’re able to work through their other griefs, but still experience this type of grief during the anniversary of their diagnosis. This is completely normal, and may be something you experience for the rest of your life.
However, it’s important to remember that because this is normal, that there is nothing wrong with you if 5, 10, 20, or more years pass by, and you still feel grief around the anniversary. Feel your feelings, talk to someone if you need to, and know that you are not alone.
Dealing With Grief After A Breast Cancer Diagnosis
As you may have noticed with all of these different grief types, one of the best ways to deal with grief after a breast cancer diagnosis is to find a support system. This can be a mixture of people, including friends, family, your community, and your team of doctors (and therapists!).
First, focusing on your physical and mental health will be important. You can do this in various ways, but of course, the easiest (and free) ways include trying to get enough sleep and taking part in low-impact exercising (like walking in nature). It’s also essential to take it as easy as you can as you go through the grief process. Don’t beat yourself up for grieving, we all go through it. Take it easy on yourself and know that this process is normal.
If you find yourself still struggling, and need additional support, you can look into therapy or even group therapy. Sometimes, having professionals in your corner that you can talk to can be incredibly helpful. And, of course, if you need a combination of therapy and medication, that’s okay too! Please don’t feel guilty if you need help with other disorders that may come out of your grief, like anxiety or depression.
Supporting Someone Dealing With Grief After A Breast Cancer Diagnosis
Sometimes, you’re in a position where you’re the caregiver or loved one. And if your friend or family member is grieving, it can be hard. How do you support someone who is grieving a breast cancer diagnosis?
First, take care of yourself too. It’s easy to get caught up in helping others, but it can take its toll if you’re not careful. Be sure to also focus on your own well being.
Next, ask, don’t tell. How can I help? How can I best support you? What do you need? These are all much better questions than making assumptions. Sometimes, the person grieving doesn’t really know what they need or want, and that’s okay. Just be there for them. You can also offer practical help. This includes delivering meals, helping them clean up, and driving them to their appointments if they need the support. Of course, you don’t have to do these things 24/7, especially if you have your own responsibilities, but the support can make a huge difference.
Sometimes, just being present can be an immense relief for the person dealing with a breast cancer diagnosis and grief. Knowing that someone is there for them can really make a difference. Last but not least, don’t treat them differently. Many patients have noted feeling like burdens or hating the “pity” after a diagnosis. If your loved one needs help or support, feel free, but try not to turn it into you “saving” them.
Support & Resource Options
Whether you’re grieving or supporting someone who is, there are so many resources to be aware of. Here are just a few.
- The Patient Access Network Foundation (PAN) – They provide assistance for medications, treatments, and travel expenses for cancer patients.
- Cancer Financial Assistance Coalition (CFAC) – A coalition of organizations that help patients with potential financial barriers while they go through cancer treatments.
- National Coalition for Cancer Survivorship (NCCS) – This website has a “Cancer Survival Toolbox” that helps patients navigate their diagnosis, treatment, and care.
- GrieveWell – A website and community that offers peer support and resources to help you as you go through your grieving process.
- What’s Your Grief? – A website for those that are grieving or caring for someone who is, so you can find the resources you need for support.
- Refuge in Grief – Another website that offers resources, journals, and more for those grieving or caretakers helping someone who’s grieving.
*The information provided on this website is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Reliance on any information provided by this website is solely at your own risk. The owners, contributors, authors, and publishers of this website are not liable for any losses, injuries, or damages arising from the use of the information on this website.*