It’s now five months since the loss of our MaryAnne DiCanto.
Missing you every moment my darling.
Five months without you baby and still stuck.
As promised, I’m trying to get better. But I don’t know what better should feel like.
Books on the subject suck and spirituality gives only fleeting comfort.
Exercise helps -it clears the body but not the pain.
Friends are the best remedy thus far. They house me, feed me, worry about me and listen to me babble. They provide an ever watchful eye that keeps me safe.
Still, I long for you. Though here with me, it’s not the “here” I can fully embrace. You remain inaccessible.
Ah but to kiss you.
To hold and be held, skin to skin; laughing, loving, comforting.
Being present and being alive. Connected and enveloped by your scent, your taste, your touch.
The memory is everlasting but so too is the reality of loss.
I bounce between the two, unable to reconcile or heal. Standing still while the world rushes by, it’s unrecognizable.
As promised, I’ll try to get better. As soon as I know what better is.

About Scott & MaryAnne: MaryAnne was originally diagnosed with Stage 2 B in July 2003 at the age of 46. She was later diagnosed with Stage IV Metastatic Breast Cancer in January 2013. MaryAnne always said that the hardest part about her was the effect of her impending death on husband Scott and her daughter. Scott and their family lost MaryAnne in May 2017. Since then, he has been sharing his love for MaryAnne and the effect her loss has had on him on Facebook. We are honored to share in their life and story in this tribute page, Life Beyond Breast Cancer.


Also published on Medium.

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