Balancing the demands of breast cancer and motherhood can be an overwhelming and emotional journey. This article explores the unique challenges you may face and offers guidance to help you navigate this difficult path with strength and resilience.
Navigating Breast Cancer and Motherhood: Pregnancy
If you are diagnosed with breast cancer while pregnant, there are a few important things to keep in mind. Your doctors will talk to you about all potential struggles and possibilities, but here’s what you might expect.
First, the National Cancer Institute has shown that only 1 out of every 3,000 pregnancies have a mother with breast cancer, so it’s fairly rare. If you’re diagnosed while pregnant, your team will tell you about your best route to take. This is including if you can and should receive chemotherapy, among other therapies. Depending on the cancer’s stage, your risk factors, and other important information that’s individual to you, you will have the choice to say yes or no to any of these treatments during and after pregnancy.
Some women choose to go through chemotherapy while pregnant. There are some studies that show it’s safe as long as you wait until after the first trimester. But again, this is a complicated medical decision that should be made between you and your doctors.
There are many other treatment options that may be viable for you. Each will have their pros and cons and will be based on your circumstances, but you’ll want to weigh the risks and benefits for yourself.
Parenting During Breast Cancer Treatment
Going through breast cancer treatments can affect you in many ways. This includes being fatigued and frazzled. When it comes to parenting, these symptoms can make it hard to parent in many different ways. The constant emotional, mental, and physical needs of children can be tiring for any parent, but especially one dealing with their health and a disease.
Because of this, taking care of your physical and mental health as much as you can will be important. While doctors already recommend a healthy diet and low-impact exercising, it’s especially essential for moms to focus on these things. This can aid in helping you remain as an active parent.
Of course, it’s also crucial to be open and honest about the fact that you might need help. For example, if you know you’re tired after chemotherapy, it’s okay to hire a babysitter during those treatment times. This can help you get more rest, and also keep your kids busy and safe. There is no shame in hiring out help if you need or want it. That said, adding costs to the financial burden of a cancer diagnosis may not be possible. However, there are organizations that can help. The Tutu Project offers limited, small grants to help defray the costs and there are other organizations that do the same. Please contact Linda at hello@thetutuproject. She will explain the application process and share other resources that offer assistance.
In addition to hiring help, this might be a good time to ask your partner, if you have one, to take on more household responsibilities, if possible. Your primary concern should be your health, wellness and your children. House work, errands, and everything else can take a backseat. And while we can’t turn off our parenting, it’s okay if you can’t be the most active parent during treatment. It’s okay to do “horizontal parenting” when needed during treatment or afterward as you recover.
Telling Your Kids About Your Diagnosis
If your children are old enough to have some understanding of illness and a breast cancer diagnosis, it can be beneficial to have a family discussion about your situation. There are many details that may be difficult for a child to grasp, so it’s helpful to plan what you’re going to say in advance. This can help them feel more informed and supported during this time. If you’re unsure how to begin the conversation, there are numerous books to help. No matter their age they still need reassurance about how it will effect their life and understand how it will effect yours.
As part of this conversation, it’s important to consider the physical changes you might experience, especially if you have children who still seek comfort from physical closeness, like snuggling. Many kids still snuggle with their mothers well into teenagehood. This is normal and a huge part of child development and children feeling safe and loved by their mother. But, if you decide to have surgery or need treatments that will affect your comfort, this can cause discomfort or even pain for you. For example, chest ports can be uncomfortable, and can even hurt if a child flies right into your arms and chest. It’s okay to have an honest conversation with your children about why mom might need a little more space or why her hugs might be gentler until she’s healed. This ensures they understand that the change is temporary and rooted in your need to heal, not a lack of love.
So, what do you do? First, if age appropriate, you can show your kids your scars, bandages, and more based on your treatment plan. This can normalize the whole process, and also showcases that even though breast cancer tough, there are treatments out there that are aiding you in feeling better. The same goes for if you decide on a mastectomy or breast reconstruction. You do not have to hide yourself from your kids.
Second, family therapy or even therapy for each individual kid can be helpful both during your treatments and after. This will allow them the option to talk to a third party about their feelings, both positive and negative, and help them work through any potential problems that may arise during this time, like feeling scared or worrying about their own health and future. It’s completely normal for a child to not want to have cancer, even after their parent’s diagnosis and treatment.
Unfortunately, there are some studies that have shown that teenagers, teenage daughters especially, have a harder time coping with a breast cancer diagnosis. This is not to say that your child won’t be able to process your diagnosis. But it is important to note that they may need therapy or a support group. This will help them manage their feelings, thoughts, and even potential stress.
One reason for this heightened difficulty could be that teenage girls often take on more responsibilities at home. This can cause issues with their budding independence. To make matters more complex, a mother’s breast cancer diagnosis can also increase a daughter’s concern about her own future health, as it slightly raises her risk of developing breast cancer in adulthood. Addressing these concerns openly and providing the necessary support can help your daughter navigate this challenging time.
Dealing with mom guilt is a normal part of parenting. It’s a common feeling even without going through breast cancer. If at any point you feel this way, it’s okay to take a deep breath. Remember that no matter what, you’re doing good enough. Breast cancer is difficult for everyone involved, but it’s not something you chose or brought upon yourself. It is a disease that does not discriminate. You are not less worthy as a mother because you have breast cancer and may miss some things during your child’s adolescence. If you find yourself feeling guilty, ashamed, or any other negative feeling, it’s important to find support and talk to a professional.
Managing Your Health
Along with your mental health, it’s going to be more important than ever to take care of your physical health as well. Cancer treatments are hard on everyone, because they’re focused on attacking and killing the cancer, which can make you feel drained, nauseous, and even fragile. Mix that with parenting, especially if you’re parenting young children who depend on you heavily, children with special needs, or multiple children, can be downright exhausting.
During treatments, it will be especially crucial to take care of your physical and mental. Sleep as much as you can, even if that means having family and friends, or a babysitter, handle more of the child-rearing. Let your partner, if applicable, step up during this time and take care of the kids while you get your much needed recuperation. Order easy to cook and eat meals, or even have a meal delivery service if you can afford it. Take time off of work if you need to and are able.
While all of the above things will be dependent on the time that you have, your job, and your finances, there are many programs out there that can take at least something off your plate. And again, don’t feel guilty for needing help and support. We all need a hand from time to time, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help while you navigate taking care of yourself during treatment.
Starting a Family After Breast Cancer
Now, what if you had or have breast cancer, and want to start a family after the fact? Fortunately, advancements in technology and medicine have made that journey easier. In fact, many recent studies have shown that many women are still able to get pregnant after breast cancer treatment.
Even if traditional pregnancy and birthing ends up not being viable after your recovery, there are many other ways to have a family after breast cancer. This includes surrogacy and adoption. No matter what route you choose, your team of doctors can help you decide both before, during, and after treatment what your best options are if you’re looking to start a family. So be sure to ask those questions to your team of doctors if that’s something you’re wanting in your future.
Balancing Motherhood and Breast Cancer: A Final Word
Breast cancer is challenging, and managing it while parenting can feel even more overwhelming. But it’s possible to go through both and still come out on the other side. While things may not be perfect, life rarely is. And, it’s important to remember that you’re doing the best you can with the circumstances you’ve been given. Your kids will be okay, and one day they will understand much more than they do now. They’ll recognize that their mom did the best she could, and that’s what truly matters.
*The information provided on this website is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Reliance on any information provided by this website is solely at your own risk. The owners, contributors, authors, and publishers of this website are not liable for any losses, injuries, or damages arising from the use of the information on this website.*